There's No Place Like Home...

My neighbor and I always joke about how this jive village that we live in is total WT land (translation: white trash land). I say this with nothing but love in my heart - really. And by the way, this is an equal opportunity WT Land - no discriminating here. If you've visited or lived here, you are laughing right now because you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!

The catalyst for my writing this post was a special little event that happened when I took Christian, Camryn and a friend of Camryn's (let's call her, oh I don't know..."Gabby") to one of the many fine playgrounds here in Northwood V. I was catching up with an old friend on the phone when our pleasant conversation was interrupted with,

Me: Oh my holy freak'n crap!

Old Friend: What???

Me: I swear, this place rocks, Camryn and her friend "Gabby" are standing next to a tree and "Gabby" is totally taking a pee! Right in front of someone's apartment!

Old Friend: just laughing

While I fully understand that kids will be kids, the reason why this joint gets the title WT Land is because while "Gabby" was relieving herself, someone walked by and, well, it just didn't seem to phase him......Nice.

So in true Jeff Foxworthy fashion, here is my rendition of YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN WT LAND WHEN...


You have no problem nailing your strips of used carpet to the floor.

Your kids' good friends are the chipmunks that seem to have forgotten that they're wild little animals.

You are advised by fellow Northwoodians to drill holes in your living room floor to run cable and computer wire "stuff" to the dungeon downstairs.

In buying a portable dishwasher, you double your kitchen counter top space.

The first thing your 2 year old does when he sees a spider is run for the nearest shoe - and then flick the carcass down the hole you just drilled for your cable wires.

You have no problem killing ants with your bare hands.

You have to plunge the toilet BOTH before and after doing your business.

Outsiders, having never shopped at a WT Land garage sale, have a hard time distinguishing between garbage and what's for sale.

Your son comes home from school and asks, "Hey wasn't that toy kitchen at the dumpster yesterday?" Then you excitedly declare, "Yes, wasn't it a great find!"

When grocery carts are used as dollies for transporting heavy objects.

When you take you children for walk and your kid asks, "Mommy, why are there so many grocery carts behind the dumpster?" And you find comfort in the fact that you won't have to look far for a "dollie" when you move.

When the reason you're excited for someone to move is so that you'll be able to "steal" their rocks for your own garden when they leave. Thank goodness for shopping carts.

When the other reason why you're excited for someone to move is so that you can "steal" the plants out of their garden.

When you find your kid playing in your neighbor's trash that got ripped apart by a raccoon the night before.


OK, OK, I swear I could go on and on, but I think I peed a little, so I must stop. Joel, get the plunger ready.

Oh sweet mercy, I love living here!